Addiction – Are You A Co-Addict?

Do you focus all your energies on your loved ones addiction?

As this is a loved one, you may feel it’s your job to keep them safe from harm.

 

 

Watching someone you love being an addict and use drugs or drink alcohol, can be the hardest thing EVER! I know this, from experience. I always wanted to protect my daughter and still take care of her. It just wears you down. You can lose yourself in all the pain and depression.

Do you ask yourself if you’re an enabler? I know, I did. My husband and I didn’t want her to live on the street or go hungry, so yes, we gave her some money. Then we prayed she didn’t buy Meth or something with it.

Here, I’m going to list some signs that you are a co-addict. Do you find yourself becoming overcome with depression, worry and fear over the addict’s behavior? When you’re a co-addict, you become overwhelmed with fear and negative feelings every day, knowing they’re using. You’re more invested with their problems than your own. This was definitely me.

You can become not very attentive to work, cooking, parenting, and your other responsibilities. I would put my own stuff on the back burner when I knew she was using or having a crisis. Which happened a lot.

You can lapse on your own appearance too. Not much energy for showering, doing your hair, just everything you used to do for yourself. A lot of this comes from depression.

Binge eating or emotional eating can also be a sign of co-addiction. Sometimes you just want to eat junk food or not eat at all. Especially when a crisis has happened. For instance, they may get arrested, or not come home when you expect them. I hated when she stayed out all night. I was so afraid she would over-dose.

Holding things inside is another sign, maybe you don’t want them to look bad to other people. I did this for sure! You might feel shame or embarrassed to tell other people what all is going on. Hopefully you have someone to talk to about it. It really does help.

Enabling is a sign of co-addiction. When the person using doesn’t fulfill their responsibilities, you pick up the slack. You make up for that, maybe financially, emotionally, socially, or professionally over and over! When you don’t set boundaries and stick to them with the addict, you’re enabling. My husband and I did this, too. And we always would forgive her. It’s so hard not to, when it’s your loved-one.

Sometimes you argue with them, tell them they can’t live here anymore, while using. So they might stay gone for a night or five, and then you forgive them and let them come back. They know they’re going to be able to come back even if it’s after a few days. So that’s enabling. Believe me, I know how hard it is, to not forgive them.

Co-addicts also quit doing things they enjoy, whether it be dining out, seeing friends, reading, blogging, whatever they used to do. They either can’t find the time, or just don’t have the energy for it. Too much time and mental agony is taken up by the addict’s behavior.

People in your family and friends will see a change in you and tell you that you’re not the same, you seem sad all the time. They knew you for the person you really are. If they tell you that you’ve changed and they think something is really wrong, and they’re worried about you, you should really think this through.

If you’re in a close relationship with an addict, chances are you are a co-addict. If you’re having to ask yourself if you are, you probably are one. When that takes over, your own needs become last on your list. The worse an addict gets, the more a co-addict puts their own happiness and responsibilities off, to take care of and worry about the addict.

To help our daughter, we finally had to leave her in jail and not bail her out. She’s been there now for 4 months. Believe me, I hate it, but on the other hand I’m so relieved that I don’t have to worry about her over-dosing or wrecking the car. She’s beginning to be herself again. And she says she’s ready to stop!

The judge sentenced her to what is a Jail Re-hab. She’ll still be in jail but in a different place where it’s all about getting better. She’s now on a waiting list to go there. I’m just so glad we didn’t bail her out. At first she would call us and ask us to. We were emotional, but we knew we had to leave her in jail. So now when we visit her, she looks so much better and sounds like our daughter again.

So, just know, you’re not alone and there is hope. One thing, though, they have to be ready to change. Forcing them into re-hab doesn’t usually work. But before she was arrested she had asked her dad to help her stop. And he was trying to find a re-hab for her when she got arrested. So she was ready. She was shooting up meth.

I hope this helps you and if you want to talk or ask me anything I’d be glad to talk to you. You can leave a comment or email me at .

Good luck to you and thank you for stopping by!

 

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