How To Get Through Holidays When Your Child Is In Jail For Drug Use
Do you have a family member in jail because of addiction?
It’s not easy when your loved is in jail during the holidays.
If you’ve read my other posts on addiction, you know I have a daughter in jail for addiction problems. She was charged with possession of Meth and Heroin. Yesterday, during Thanksgiving, she was all I could think about. Then she called and was almost in tears. She’s usually ok and doesn’t cry on the phone. But since it was Thanksgiving she was really fighting back the tears. Of course I was too.
She said it was just a bad day for her since she wasn’t with us for the holiday. I can’t imagine getting through Christmas without her. I just have to keep in mind, this is the best place for her right now. And that’s how it’s going to be. She’s there until around January. And then she has to go to their boot camp. But all of this has changed her.
At least for now, she’s confident she doesn’t want to use anymore. I just pray she keeps feeling that way when she gets out. She has to stay away from all the friends she had before. Otherwise, when they get together they will more than likely, want to get some drugs. She also has to have a job so I’m hoping she’ll meet some new people that way. Meth is so prominent around here. So many people use it. She’s just going to have to decide not to!
And her father and I have to stay strong and not let her live here if she starts using again. Tough love is something we have learned over the last few years. We let her live here and use our car and even gave her money sometimes. It’s very hard to throw your child out, but to keep them off drugs we might have to.
When she first started using, we didn’t want to turn her in for anything, because we didn’t want her to go to jail. But after three years of living with it, we were so relieved when she got put in jail. We were scared to death she was going to die. Right before she got arrested we found out she was shooting up heroin and meth. We were just devastated and worried sick something was going to happen to her.
Of course no parent wants to see their child go to jail. But if that’s going to save their life, then that’s what needs to happen. We go visit her about once a week, and she looks so much like her old self now. And she laughs and talks like she used to. It’s such a relief, I can’t even describe it. I hate it when we leave there, it’s upsetting, but still, I’m so thankful she’s not using!
Two of my children live out-of-state and they will be here for Christmas. So everyone will be here, but her. It’s not easy. Three of us will be going to see her three days before Christmas. She’s only allowed three visitors a week. But we all will have to keep in mind that she’s safe and finding out that she can’t use again, or she’ll be in prison. Yes prison, not jail. So I’ll have to talk to them when they get here and get them in that frame of mind.
If you have someone in jail over the holidays, just remember this is the safest place for them. And try to tell your relatives to think of it that way. And good luck to you! If you want to talk to me or ask something, feel free to comment or email me. I’d do anything to help if I can. My other posts about this are at the top of the page under “Addiction”. Thank you for stopping by!
I know exactly that story you are living. I am sure the circumstances are different. We dealt with our daughter in and out of jail on and off for the past 9 or so years. I think we had one Christmas together in that time. Because of using again. The first couple times we visited every week. Supportive parents.
With threats of, we can’t handle this anymore. We might not come again if you go back to jail. She did. We stayed away for the first month, and then would go in about once every 3 weeks. They need to miss you more. We should not have went except for maybe a holiday or birthday. Make them miss you more then 6 days apart. Its hard but I believe it would be better. We started visiting once every 2 weeks once she started rehab. And will not do the faithful weekly trips anymore. And if we are busy we won’t go every 2 weeks either.
We quit the money and she starved, froze, walked, got raped, got in with bad groups with sick names. The only time we would see her was her birthday and Christmas and when she got raped. She lost her ovaries due to endometriosis that got so bad, but drugs were more important than going to the hospital to save them. It is a hell.
So tired of this life. Support is good, but they get used to the jail life and family visits. Send letters instead maybe. She started at 19 or 20 and just turned 29, 3 days ago. She went thru rehab and is now in a halfway house until April. We are hopeful and still fearing. Good luck with your family members. I hope your adult child quits.
Jackie,
Thank you! I’m so sorry to hear about your problems! Ya know, it’s really interesting you say that. I’ve actually been thinking maybe we do too much for her while she’s in jail. She has a 10 year prison sentence hanging over her head. If she gets caught using when she gets out, she’ll be doing that. I can’t even stand the thought of that. I’m so sorry all that happened to your daughter! It’s so heartbreaking!
I know exactly how this feels. I lived 5 years with my son in prison not here. Last december 3 days after xmas he was released. I was so looking foward to the year. He lasted 90 days out and is in again. I think this time it hurt worse best of luck to u
Melissa,
I’m so sorry to hear he’s back in. I just wonder if that’s going to happen with my daughter. She seems to be ready to change, but being in jail, you just don’t know what will happen when they get back home. Good luck to you and your son! Maybe this time, he’ll decide he’s not going back. I sure hope so! If you need more people to talk with, try TheAddictsMom. There’s several moms there dealing with this.
I can only imagine how this feels. You can explain it to someone until you are blue in the face but unless they are in the same situation they can not understand.
My sister is a drug addict (a lot of people say recovering, but I don’t believe they ever really recover. I think it is a never ending battle with demons within them. They need to take it day by day. People also call addiction a disease and I don’t want to offend anyone but I don’t believe it is, it is a choice to pick up that drug in the first place and they made that choice. I chose to smoke cigarettes from the time I was 15 until the day I found out I was pregnant and it wasn’t about me anymore. I am emotional but I digress… they will never quit until they believe they are doing it for themselves and not because someone else wants them to.
I love my sister but there are many times when I have hated her guts. It’s a hard road not just for those addicted but for their family and friends.
Kristen,
I’m sorry to hear about your sister! It must so hard to see a sibling in this condition. She has a younger brother and two older sisters. I know it’s hard for them. Yes it is hard, that’s for sure! I hope she gets (or stays) clean! Good luck! Have a very merry Christmas!
Jody
I admire your courage in being so open on this subject but sadly it’s probably too familiar to some families. Hope your daughter can turn things around.
Mare,
Thank you! I just hope people know they’re not alone. And maybe we can all help each other.
Have a wonderful Christmas!
Jody
this is a shocking headline i did not expect to see, however, it is so true. so sorry to read abt this, i hope she and you get thru this. i never really understood the attraction to drugs, dont know why, just never did. i never wanted to be around them or try them. anyway, i hope your daughter gets well.
Sandy, Thank you so much! She seems to be on the right track! Have a wonderful holiday!
Jody
So sad addiction is a terrible thing
Cheryl
Thank you! I think she’s on the right track, for now, at least. Have a happy Holiday!
Jody
Addiction runs rampant in my family. Thankfully I was lucky enough to surpass it. My father was not so lucky and my brother sits in jail because of it. The holidays are so hard but all I can hope for is that my brother wins and doesn’t lose the fight like my dad. I hope your daughter can do the same. Prayers to your family!
Amber,
Thank you so much! I’m sorry to hear about your brother and father. That must be so hard for you. I’ll keep you all in my prayers. Have a Happy Holiday!
Jody
As a mother of 6 I hope to never have to go through this. I am glad that she is in a safe place.
Merri,
Thank you! I hope you never do either! As soon as they’re old enough, try to keep them informed how bad it can be.
Jody
Wow how brave of you to share. Such a tough situation. Thank you for posting this.
Tina,
You’re welcome. I just hope it helps some people that are going through the same thing. It’s helpful to know you’re not alone.
Happy Christmas to you!
Jody
I have addiction rampant in my family. My brother was incarcerated for 22 months for drug trafficking. My Mom has 27 years of sobriety!!! She got sober when I was pregnant with my son. She wanted to be a good grandma. Having a great Christmas is nothing compared to having a clean daughter! Stay strong and God Bless to you, your family and especially, your daughter!!
Alison,
I’m so sorry to hear about your bother! That’s wonderful about your mother! She must really love you and her grandchild! Thank you so much!
Have a Happy Christmas!
I have several family members addicted to drugs. It’s always so hard around the holiday season.
Lisa,
So sorry to hear that! I know it’s hard right now! I hope they get the help they need! You should have a wonderful holiday, though! Just keep up hoping!
Jody
Thank you for sharing and being so open. My parents are addicts, so I definitely know the feeling of dealing with a loved one in jail for addiction. It is difficult and Meth is a monster. You’re completely right when you say that it is the best place for them and you know they are safe! Stay strong <3
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Joyce,
I’m sorry to hear about your parents! Thank you for commenting. I hope you have a wonderful holiday! I’ll be praying for you and your family! It must be so hard to have your parents being addicts.
Jody
I’m sorry you are having to go through this. Addiction is a terrible thing. We are going through something similar right now. And our family is torn in half. My husband and I have decided to use “tough love” on one of our daughters. At this point, it is all we can do. She has 2 children involved and one of our other daughters is raising them so they don’t have to go to foster care. Its just a mess. God Bless you!
Lisa,
I’m so sorry to hear this. I know what you’re going through, although my daughter doesn’t have kids. That would be so hard. I pray that she gets the help she needs. And yes tough love is what it comes down to.
Good luck to you!
Jody
I am so sorry you’re facing something like this. We had a family member with similar circumstances but sadly no one that was in a position to turn her in or keep her in treatment would make the hard decision. I’m glad your daughter is getting help, prayers for you during the Holiday season.
Faith,
Thank you! I hope things turn out well for your family. There’s only so much we can all do. Prayers for you!
Jody
We have to remember often times the person in jail is missing there family as well. I was reading about an organization that actually helps inmates get through the holiday season. I thought this was a great idea.
Debra,
Yes she does miss us more around this time of year. That sounds like a great organizaton. I hope they do something for them at the one she’s in. Thank you! Have a wonderful holiday!
Jody
Thank you so much for sharing this. I do not have children in jail. But I do have friends with children in jail and I know it is very hard on them. I have sat and prayed and cried with them. I will but sharing this great article with them and hope that it gives them some peace. Thank you again for sharing. And may God give you peace as only He can give, the peace that surpasses all understanding. I will be praying for you and your family.
Lori,
Thank you so much! It’s nice to have friends helping and praying for us. Praying for your friends, also. Have a wonderful holiday!
Jody
Mine is in jail but not for drugs. Just plain stupidity. It is hard. I missed him for Thanksgiving. Hope he is out soon.
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Sandra,
I’m glad it’s not for drugs. Just remember he’ll be out soon and has learned something. Good Luck to you! Have a wonderful holiday!
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