This one starts with my 4th child.

My now 22 year old daughter came along next, my JK.  She had almost white hair and was of course beautiful and sweet. I remember when we first got home from the hospital and her brother was sitting on the couch. I asked him if he wanted to hold her and he said yes. It was so sweet seeing him with her, I knew he was nervous to hold a baby.

Things were not great when she was a child either.  Man, this is awful, you all probably think we were such terrible people.  I’m not saying we didn’t love our kids with all our hearts. Her father and I both did!  They meant the world to us.  He always worked and took care of us and I got to be a SAHM.  I just wish I would have felt better most of the time and not been so depressed.

JK had some problems too.  Up until middle school she was on the honor roll and everything was awesome, there.  Then she got into a group of friends that led her down a bad road.  One girl, her best friend, was drinking alcohol when they met.  JK would go to her house and her mother would give it to them!  I had no idea this was going on.  Most of the time she would spend the night there, so by morning I couldn’t tell anything was wrong. I didn’t even know about it until years later.

I wanted to turn her mother in to the police when I did find out! I mean, why would someone do that with 13 year olds? Well, she was an alcoholic.  Still, a mother doing that? I just don’t get it.  So that led her into getting bad grades, and then eventually she turned to drugs. For years we have dealt with this.  She has been to re-hab 3 times. That was in Ohio, before we moved here.  One reason we moved here was to get her and my older one away from that crowd.

But, we got here and of course they didn’t know anyone and wanted to make friends.  JK went out one night and met some people.  And boy do I regret letting her go that night.  She met the wrong people!  She’s been using since then and still is.  We try to get her to re-hab every day.  I worry about her every single second of the day. She’s been in trouble with the law a couple times, but nothing much came of it.  Having a child, using, has got to be the worst thing in the world, well one of.  I pray for her and my other kids every day.

My son, my baby, my youngest, JM, is now 15!  He’s being homeschooled now because he had a lot of problems getting to school.  He had really bad anxiety, having to leave home every day.  He actually got in trouble with truancy because of it.  But we were in counseling and she did an evaluation for them, letting the court know he had this anxiety problem.  They weren’t very caring about it though.  We went through a lot with that.  They actually made him go to this sort of juvenile jail for 4 days during Christmas vacation last year! It was horrible.  He had to sit in a tiny, tiny room made of cement.  They weren’t allowed to do anything but read.  I mean nothing.  And it was freezing in there!  Our other kids were here from Ohio and he had to do that!  Anyway, we’re all through with that now.  Since we started homeschooling him, we’re out of the court problems.  He has straight A’s, for the first time, ever.  It just works for him.

His childhood has been the best in some ways and the worst in others.  He saw his sisters going through all the drug addiction and police problems, etc.  But I think we’re better parents now, so that’s one good thing.  He’s doing so great right now, and I’m so thankful! He does have friends, still.  But I wish he’d go out with them a little and get out of the house more.

Last January I wrote a post about his punishment for the truancy.  I didn’t say it was us, because I just wasn’t ready to announce my life to the world.  I apologize to anyone that read that back then.  I should have said it was us.  But if you want to read about it, it’s Would You Call This Cruel & Unusual Punishement. If you read this post you’ll understand more of how much we’ve been through.

Well this is way too long, including part 1. And I just can’t write anymore right now.  It breaks my heart.  Thanks for stopping by and reading my story.  There will be more to come, when I can stand to do it.

Part 1 is Here.

Do you ever feel like you have regrets and wish you could go back?